Snuff
by Electricityy
Summary: I guess this is loosely based on Snuff by Slipknot. The lyrics are in there, but the song was just inspiration for the story itself. It's Hermione & Draco anyway. Tell me what you think; I'm struggling with the summary x


_Bury all your secrets in my skin  
Come away with innocence  
And leave with my sins  
The air around me still feels like a cage  
and Love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again..._

I sighed, I watched him walk away, for the second time. I felt utterly useless, how could I let that happen? How could I let someone so perfect just walk away from me like he was. "I don't think it's working" is what he said. That's completely stupid- or it is in my opinion. If that's what he believes then so be it. There's not much I could do to change his mind. Not that I would want to, I always loved his stubborn, strong mindedness. I guess that didn't work out so well for me.

_So if you love me let me go  
Run away before I know  
My heart is just too dark to care  
I can't destroy what isn't there_

And that's just what he did, isn't it? Let me go. But not because he loved me; he did it because he did not love me anymore. In all honesty, I am past caring. He ripped that part of me right out of my chest and the hole he left is still throbbing. I sighed again, I was too numb to be capable of any other emotion, it seems he ripped out my feelings as well.

_Deliver me into my faith  
If I'm alone I cannot hate  
I don't deserve to have you  
My smile was taken long ago  
If I can change I hope I never know...  
_

I never deserved him, him or his innate perfection. He was always too good for me, too kind, too faithful, too happy. I destroyed him. And that hurts. The fact that I destroyed him as much as he destroyed me. I can't say I was ever brilliant company to have, and I was hardly the most simple person around. I got so complicated sometimes, no matter how hard I tried to suppress those parts of me, they still got through and infuriated him.

_I still press your letters to my lips  
And cherish them in parts of me  
To savour every kiss  
I couldn't face a life without your light  
But all of that was ripped apart...  
When you refused to fight_

It hurts when you know that the one person you love more than anything else in the entire world wont fight for what you have. It hurts when you would do anything in your power to make that person happy, and the only thing you could do to make them happy was leave them. It tore me in two.

_  
So save your breath I will not hear  
I think I made it very clear  
You couldn't hate enough to love...  
Is that supposed to be enough?_

I can't take it anymore, I cannot stand the sight of watching him across crowded classrooms, seeing him getting along without me just fine while I'm slowly crumbling and rotting away. It's perplexing, how he can just get over me and us without a second thought while I'm left languishing in the memoirs of what used to be. But I guess one of the two it takes in a relationship is always left broken in the wake of the one they love. I guess everyone goes through it, I guess everyone inflicts that same pain on someone else. It's inescapable. But I wish I could escape it. But I can't see a way out that doesn't end in me breaking the road I'm walking, falling off into the fissure I created and being no more. While some people can do that, I could never bring myself to end my own life. I cant even imagine it.

_I only wish you weren't my friend  
That I could hurt you in the end  
I never claimed to be a saint  
My love was banished long ago  
It took the Death of Hope to let you go_

I wish I wasn't the one left behind. I wish I could be the one running away without looking back. But I know I could never do that to him. Not to him. I could do it to anyone else, but him. How could he do that to me? I thought he felt the same way I did- or at least he told me so. I guess that sort of thing is fleeting for some people, one minute it's there, the next it's gone and it takes conscious thought to grab it and keep it. For me, it has always been an unconscious decision, a reflex, if you will. That's why I fall so easily. But I thought this time it would be different, I thought this one was for keepers. I was obviously wrong.

_So break Yourself against my stones  
And spit your pity in my soul  
You never needed any help  
You sold me out to save yourself_  
_And I won't listen to your shame  
You ran away - you're all the same  
Angels lie to keep control..._

And that's exactly what he is. An angel. A complete and utter angel, perfect in every way. Or at least he was to me. Blond hair that fell around his shoulders in the nicest disarray you could imagine, every colour of blond that existed. His startling blue eyes always sparkling with mirth around his friends. Colder and more reserved in classes and around others he didn't know. His way of being so shut off around others always amused me, it was always easy for me to interact with people. He was different in that respect. We were different in so many ways.

_my love was punished long ago  
if you still care,  
don't never let me know  
if you still care,  
don't never let me know_

Now, looking back, I smile at all the memories we shared. I smile at all the good times, and now I smile at the bad times too. It makes me laugh how we took all these trivial problems so seriously, and how they could cause a rift between us for days. We always made up in the end, that's what always make the arguments so sweet. We were both always so opinionated, and our debates and conversations were always fun. I loved his different view on the world. We had lived lives so very different, his infinitely harder than my own, and this fresh way of thinking broadened my horizons.

He was always the best thing that ever happened to me.

But I don't think I could handle the let down of the end ever again, I'm not sure I'd want to. Even if he hates me now, I don't hate him. I don't desire to be together again, just to be friends, to talk amiably like we used to. But I'll get along fine without him.

I usually do.

Yay! New fic!

I guess you could plaster Draco and Hermione's faces on these people. But this is all true. This is how I felt after I finished with someone I loved. Even the description of the blond hair, blue eyes etc is all true.

Thank you for reading,

How about a review?

Ciao!


End file.
